Day 21 - A Family Dinner

Skipping to the end of the day, we were able to offer Amelia her first dinner with us as a family in three weeks.  I will admit, I am more than a little disheartened by how little she ate ( about 1/5 of an oz of chicken, a raspberry, half a piece of bread with butter, a grape, half an Asian pear, and a cup of milk).  I am proud of her for making such a great effort at eating again.  Today, at clinic, she at a full piece of french toast, half her strawberries, and half her milk.  These are both very good signs, and I am so very proud of her for making progress.  I am just really disheartened by the pace of the progress...  It is exactly where she needs to be, but as much as I have tried and tried NOT to get my hopes up about her starting eating again, I did.  And tonight did not meet my hopes or expectations, and so, I have to swallow that down and NOT show her because she needs to know how great she is doing.

This is HARD.  It sucks.  I am feeling a bit low tonight.  :-(

What else happened today?  We had our family counseling session.  Last time, Leslie talked with us a little bit and then brought Amelia in.  It was a half hour session or so, and there was a little uncovering, but not much.  Today... Today was a doozie.  Almost an hour and a half, Amelia never was brought into the session physically.  It was just me, Katherine, and the counselor.  I think what came out the most was how much Katherine dislikes herself.  How little she values herself, in spite of how much I try telling and showing her she is valued.  It has been my constant struggle for 14 years of marriage.  I think that this whole process will force me and Katherine to work a lot on how she feels about herself and what I can do to help her feel better about herself.  I think that is the best thing we can really do for Amelia, help Katherine work on seeing herself in a positive light.  It was a very stressful, emotional day.

To end on a lighter note, I got to pick a new flower for Amelia's window vases...  I picked a King Protea... and put it in a very small vase...

I just find myself singing, ala Chris Farley from Tommy Boy, "Big flower in a little vase... Big flower in a little vase..."  It is a beautiful, HUGE thing...

Thank you all for prayers and support.  Sometimes, I wish I could spend a little more time with you in person.  Tonight is a night I could have used someone to just sit and talk with.  Amelia is asleep, and Katherine is somewhere making calls, or getting tea or something.  I am here in the room, finishing this blog up, wondering what next...  Tomorrow is another day, I am headed to work, catching a ride with a coworker.  

Oh, one last thing... Today is the end of our 3rd week here (day 21).  No real idea of when we will be done here... Praying, PRAYING it is sooner rather than later....