The good thing is Amelia slept the whole night... The bad thing is I didn't... I was woken up a few times by the wife, and then by Amelia. The stress of living so close together, being stuck in a very tight routine without much way to get out and get a break, and all of that is just getting to both of us. Katherine feels she needs to stay here and do EVERYTHING that needs to get done. I have asked and will continue to ask for a list of things that she wants done on a daily basis so I can be helping.
I feel guilty for wanting to get out and do something to just relax and get away for a bit because she won't take time to do that. So, if I take time for myself, I feel selfish and like a bad husband because I am at least getting to go to work some days, take time out of here to do work stuff. It isn't exactly taking time for myself, but it is getting out of the same tight routine. I just wish she would take an hour or two and go somewhere... to read, to sit, to just not be here... I need someone to come kidnap her for half a day just to make her get out for a little while. It would do her good. Right now, her stress rubs off on the rest of us, and the last thing we need to be doing is adding additional stress...
On top of all that, Amelia wet the bed last night... Not something she has done for a LONG time. We can only think that it is partially the medication she is on, partially because she has adequate nutrition so she is sleeping so much deeper than she has been. For whatever reason, about 2:30 in the morning, I wasn't sleeping, and I went to check on her and discovered this... It is a whole different process to change a kid who is attached to a food pump. Shut the pump off. Unplug it. Cap the food bag end. Close the NG Tube end. Remove all the wet clothes. Wipe her down. Redress her in clean clothes, re-attach the tube and start the feeding again while you go strip the bed and figure out what she is going to sleep on. We now have an extra set of sheets for the bed just in case...
On a positive note, I went back and visited the dogs today. Blitzen and Zephyr are raging idiots as ever. I got them a new dog chew toy to play with (a large "indestructible" cloth bull, like the "indestructible" pig that Zephyr utterly destroyed), gave them lots of loving and petting, and then almost cried as I had to leave and they were whimpering. I went to visit though because they needed more food, and the real good news, I had to pick up a check for a $1000 from Child in Crisis fund for Amelia's medical expenses. Big thank you to our St. Rose Family for getting us connected with that group.
I think that is it for today... I am really tired. It has been a very sleepless night, followed by an emotional frustrating and tiring day, followed by two long drives in close succession... I just need some sleep... and a drink... or four... Prayer would work too. Lots and lots and lots of prayer. Thank you all. I try to be really positive, but even I have tough days from time to time...
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